*ym conversation couple of months back(September)…this ended my insanity stage*
marc: o ikaw, balita.
hundun: eto still the same
hundun: pathetic pa din
marc: bakit naman, ayusin na nga natin ‘to? o, what’s the problem?
hundun: parang kang daddy
hundun: yes itay
hundun: e kse
hundun: im naiinis na
hundun: why im still affected
marc: at bakit naman….
hundun: i dunno
hundun: basta i still am
hundun: im naiinis na
marc: kailangan mo kasi,at ito ang sabi ni oprah,kailangan mo ng closure”
hundun: i dont wanna be affected pero i am
marc: is it pride?
hundun: oo nga pero where will i get my closure?
marc: na-hurt yung pride mo na ginawa yan sa iyo.
hundun: maybe it is
hundun: wouldnt you be?
hundun: what he did was so masakit e
marc: i think that if you want to move on, you’ve gotta face the real reasons why you can’t seem to move on pa rin.
hundun: its bec i still love him
marc: i know, i would be hurt too.
marc: but yun nga, you have to examine it yourself and question yourself why is your pride hurt, and should it really be a question of pride at all?
marc: isa pa yon, don’t love him na dude, you’re wasting your time, energy, emotions on a loser!
hundun: i’ve been telling myself that but its not that easy naman to forget e
marc: o sige lets think about it, do you want him back? do you want him to choose you over her?
hundun: i want him back yes
hundun: but its not gonna be that easy
marc: why do you want him back?
hundun : bec i still love him
hundun : and i think its also bec…
hundun : i mean
marc: why do you still love someone who did that to you?
hundun : yung feeling na in the end he went back to me
hundun: i dunno nga e..i know i should be mad and all and i focused on that after i finally was able to open that emotion
marc: are you still looking for the fairytale ending? na he’ll realise his big mistake, come to his senses, drop her and beg you back on his hands and knees?
hundun: i guess so
hundun: ***bonks head***
marc: anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering – yoda.
marc: dude, you have to realistic.
marc: i’m sorry to say and it may be hard for you to hear, but i don’t think that fairytale ending is going to happen.
marc: that’s what you have to let go dude, not him, but that idea of that fairytale ending.
marc: that’s the idea you have to let go of, cuz it’s still giving you hope that what you once had might come back, that things might return to the way they were.
marc: i don;t think it’s realistic to expect that.
marc: and if you really believe it, then how long are you willing to wait?
marc: how long are you willing to gamble that he’s going to go back to you?
marc: and another thing, you may think you know him, but he’s a different person now. he’s not the same person a year ago, two years ago. things change, people change. you have to change too.
marc: you can’t get stuck thinking that you know yourself completely, no ones themselves completely. impossible.
marc: no one knows themsleves completely.
marc: up until the day they die, people ae still discovering things about themselves they never knew. and that’s why things change.
marc: but that’s growth. it’s just the process of changing that’s difficult. but it has to happen. marc: right now, you’re suffering but you’re not growing. mali yon. ok lang na mag suffer, that’s part of life, but dapat may growth din.
marc: kung walang growth, if you’re not moving forward or moving somewhere, your suffering is for nothing.
marc: yan ang sayang, yan ang waste.
marc: astig ko noh? i’m like a hallmark card on steriods!
marc: o what?
hundun: i wanna move nman e. yes i still love him in a way but im opening my doors to other possibilities. other people. kse i dont wanna get stuck being like this forever. at night i pray na for every tear na i cry it washes all my bitterness. i pray na every passing day i love him less and less
hundun: i still have that stupid fairytale stuff in my head
hundun: but i also think about things na why its better this way
marc: then ask yourself why do you still have that in your head? why are you still holding onto that even though you know what you know.
hundun: like: we have diff tastes…he has a different wave length..etc etc…
hundun: i dunno why…..
hundun: me din
hundun: ill buy food lang
hundun: im back
marc: im back
marc: basta ask yourself those questions
marc: you have to know for yourself why
marc: you don’t have to tell anyone naman eh. just be honest with yourself.
marc: once you know why you are still holding onto those beliefs, you’ll begin to understand yourself better. that helps in becoming stronger and growing out of this phas in your life.
marc: you as you are now, have to change, to get past this.
hundun: ive thought about that….
marc: read my blog nalang para matawa ka
hundun: i did na
hundun: funny nga e
marc: no i have a new entry, now lang.
hundun : a ok
hundun : what about?
marc: my weekend lang, pero galing lang talaga ako magwrite. even the most mundane things become interesting and entertaining.
marc: ya nga pala, i haven’t gotten you stoned yet. this week you want?
hundun: i like the beep beep story better
hundun: im back
marc: ya i thought you would.
hundun : im sooooo tamad na
marc: you tell me nalang if you wanna smoke up, no pressure. baka ma-addict k apa.
hundun : teka you’re making me BI
hundun: is that gonna fry my brain?
marc: no it won’t. yes, it will, but it’s just the same as drinking beer and making lasing.
hundun: kaya nga i dont drink e
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing” (Anais Nin)