All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the ground

And my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted land

Trying to find, trying to find where I’ve been.

Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace, like thoughts inside a dream

Heed the path that led me to that place, yellow desert stream

My Shangri-La beneath the summer moon, I will return again

Sure as the dust that floats high in June, when movin’ through Kashmir.

Oh, father of the four winds, fill my sails, across the sea of years

With no provision but an open face, along the straits of fear

A year ago..this is what I wrote:

what I need right now are your prayers. do not ask why but i need them. Agnostic, unbelieving me needs all the prayers right now.

Lord, help me walk another mile, just one more mile.

I’m tired of walkin’ all alone.

Lord, help me smile another smile, just one more smile.

I know I just can’t make it on my own. I never thought I needed help before.

I thought that I could do things by myself. Now I know I just can’t take it anymore.

With a humble heart, on bended knee. I’m beggin’ you, please, for help.

~Johnny Cash

A year after…I still need your help… I still am asking for your prayers…but I am not anymore Agnostic or an unbeliever…my faith is stronger…stronger than it has ever been…a year after it still feels that the weight of world is on my shoulders and its sheer weight is biting through my weary shoulder just like that of Hipparchus’ Atlas…i still feel that my happy-face-everything-is-ok mask still on… i still feel that I have to live this lie so that people won’t see how sad I am…as Len said, I’m funny sad everyday I play the part of the happy girl while inside the pain is gobbling me up….clickity click! Say cheese! and another day starts…

Does it ever get easy?” Buffy once asked Giles, the Watcher who was assigned to mentor and train her.

“You mean life?” Giles asked.

“Yeah. Does it get easy?”

“What do you want me to say?”

Buffy looked up at him, half-formed tears in her eyes. “Lie to me.”

Giles considered for a moment. “Yes, it’s terribly simple.”

He told Buffy. “The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day.

No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.”



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