you bleed just to know you’re alive…

monday afternoon found out that something happened to my dear lolo…my dear brother, Stupid Dog,didn’t even tell me agad..i had to find out through my younger brother who’s in the states. He suffered a mild stroke daw when he was in Tarlac (where he has a second family) and hadn’t been eating for almost a week and last thursday, he asked that he be brought home to his house in San Jose (our house)…we dunno why since he was more fond of his 2nd family anyway…when he was brought home my tito’s and tita’s (the real ones) brought him to the hospital where he was s’posed to be confined but being the stubborn and hard headed man that he is he adamantly refused to be confined. The doctor said that he be stripped off of any “pananagutan” from my tita letty who used to be the Doctor General of Pampanga and who used to have a clinic in the same hospital before she went to New York. Must’ve been an funny sight since the doctor was older than my tita letty and a scant younger than my lolo lang. When I found out what happened to my lolo, i went home early tuesday morning all alone and with pequeno knowledge on how to go home. All my knowledge on commuting home is from observing on how my dad used to make hatid my lola ima sa Bus terminal. The bus terminal, I thought, would be my ticket to paradise just as long as I remember where it is pa….but Lo and behold, the terminal that used to be there had folded up na pala…so there I was not knowing where to go and what to do…aaaa! bahala na! so to cut the story short…nakarating naman ako despite the several maling nababaan and nasakyan and over charging incidents…whew!

When I arrived sa hws ng lolo ko there were 2 faces who I had never seen before but seemed awfully familiar…hhmmmm eto ata yung mga anak ng lolo ko sa 2nd family..ggrrr at paano nakatuntong yan mga yan dito!…transferred to the house of my tito…naghanap ng kakampi-este kakilala pala…i was like a kid who was making sumbong sa mommy na there were strangers in our house!…ggrrrr…my tito and titas explained who they were…aba! sa inyo pala kme pinagpalit ng lolo ko…beee! ako pa din ang favorite….hhaaayyyy..nonsense nonsense…i’m just trying to be happy here….so anyway, on with the drama…when I had ksama na, I went back to my lolo’s house…he was asleep…or so i thought he was…awake na pala sya…since he was hard of hearing na and can’t see na din my tita had to shout at him na I was there…my lolo’s answer: “nino ita?” …i just got stabbed and left for dead….my knees turned to jelly…tears sprung from the corner of my eyes…”nino ita?”…sino daw ako…i was the favorite apo and he couldn’t even remember me…my tita had to explain who I was pa kaya he remembered me…i wanted to leave…i wanted to run…i wanted to die…but i couldn’t…i had to stay and talk to him…stayed for 5 minutes lang…sandali lang i have to go…i have to gather enough strength after that just kill me nalang incident…my tita explained that of all his apos I was the only one he remembers nalang…my other cousins he couldn;t remember na tlaga…so come to think of it ako pa din pala ang favorite…i stayed the night…i wanted to stay till sunday and just call in sick nalang but the atmosphere in my lolo’s house got to me…it was as if there was a deathly pall all over the place…it was so draining…the commute was tiring but the stay in my lolo’s house drained all strength…thus i decided to go…i couldn’t stay there…it was like waiting for death to come knowing that he is just around the corner biding his time…it’s the waiting game that got to me….i had to leave…and so the next day with a heavy heavy heart I went back to Manila…again, with no knowledge on how to go back…punyeta mag strong strongan kse e!…

hafta end that story…putting my emotions and the events of the past few days just, again, drained my strength or whatever’s left of it..hala sige magpakasaya ka sa mga mumo at tira tira kung may makukuha ka pa….

i just wish the real world would stop hassling me (real world, matchbox 20)


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