“Are we alive, are we insane Trying to disguise so much pain

Are we alive, or are we betrayed…Who gives a damn about it anyway?” Vertical horizon

something funny..i dowloaded a song in Kazaa entitled “Have you ever by Incubus..when I listened to the song it turns out to be some song by some teeny bopper band er-group…so significant no?

I just decided out of sheer boredom to read a friend’s blog. unfortunately, I am unable to let you guys know the url ( see F, I kept my word)…one of his previous posts hit close to home…it was, in a gist, not loving that someone who thinks the world of you…not that I approve of what he but whaddaheck it his life but then again…ahh never mind…its just my heart blabbing…

And to borrow a line or two….

“there is no such thing as falling in love. Because love is an active decision. you don’t fall into it. You decide to do so, with both eyes open….

When I realize this – I hope things will never be too late.”

..alas, the last line is something that I will never utter again..i have cleaned my slate and made sure that I am at peace with everyone in my past (both those I have hurt and those who hurt me) and am trying to be a better person…more focused and appreciative of what I have…my karma hopefully has been leveled…

“The greatest thing that you’ll ever know is to love and to be loved in return.”

You’re Linus! Some people think you’re a little old
for your blanket, but don’t listen to them. And
you better watch out for your stalker, Sally.

Which of The Peanuts are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

HA! see! even Quizilla agrees…for those who don’t know, I still have a security blanket–este pillow..my laway pillow…its my well travelled laway pillow…it goes where I go….it s’posed to be color yellow like the butterfinger chocolate bar but because it hasn’t been washed for..YEARS medyo iba na kulaw nya…at ngayon nawawala pa sya..i think TIN made it nakaw..kse she wants that pillow of mine!!!!

met up w my vianca this afternoon. ate in Sentro…kainis di ko na makain yung butong pakwan nila…yehey! she’s finally going back to Manila yippeee…we are in business girls! Then when Vianca left I waited for Marc in Powerbooks and bought some new books to read…ate in Cafe Bola…music one to check out new songs that I can download hehehe then went to eastwood. meron na palang shops dun…and they close late! we watched his cousin lee’s band SHE SAID play in Ipanema. His cousin was gwapo. kamukhang kamukha ni diether Ocampo. swear! Their band was good! galing nung lead singer. puro alternative songs. kaso I was sleepy and it showed when Marc told me na we should go home na…got home around 12 na ata e…something’s weird w marc…he wasn’t like that naman before…he makes me asikaso na…before wla naman sya paki e…now..not exactly the gentleman pero he…does things that I’m not used to…he offers me his food and if i say yes, sya pa yung naghihiwa and naglalagay sa plate ko..he puts food on my plate at times..he refers to his dad as : “si dad”: …and when he makes me hatid, he waits till makapasok ako and while waiting he opens the window and he also texts me when he’s home na…medyo weird…not used to it…

Here is your horoscope

for Wednesday, June 30:

Wherever you are, the good times will start tonight. Yes, it seems a little early, and no, you don’t usually behave this way. Isn’t that wonderfully liberating? You go!

—> good times?!?!?! what good times? if its the continous laughter I had with Jets over dinner in Teriyaki (i kept on saying Oyster Boy) Boy in Glorietta then I’m headed to happy happy joy joy land…sana sana..im crossing all my fingers and toes….

I had to rush out of the office because the ever makulit Jets was texting me paulit ulit coz I was late for our 715 meeting. A team mate was late getting to the office and I just couldn’t leave lang naman like that…so as soon as she arrived I rushed out and waited for a cab under the pouring rain..well, not naman pouring. More of a heavy drizzle. While I was waiting for a cab biglang ko nalang nakita that the guy walking towards me was A. His left shoulder almost brushed my back if I didn’t have move agad. Thank God for quick reflexes…well, for the second time that day, our eyes locked…something that I hate happening…because I want him to know that he does not matter in my life..that to me he is nothing…well..as you know friends..that’s not so true…that’s just the me that I want him to know kahit na deep inside…arrgghhh why can’t letting just go be that easy…fuck it!…a tear or two found its way to my cheeks..but as soon as Jets saw me, he knew something was wrong and he hugged me and made me laugh…something that I need to have everyday…jet medicine is what I call it…

It’s kinda weird why people in the office tells me na I’m blooming (sorry guys, I really don’t respond well to compliments)…i dunno why they say that when deep inside I feel so fucked up…i guess that’s the wonder of make up…i make it a point to look my best when i’m in the office and I know na he’s gonna be there…if you feel fucked up, it shouldn’t show outside..especially infront of the person who made you feel that way…just like what that scientist in the movie Bond said..”…They musn’t see you bleed..you must have an escape plan…” Well, I’m not letting him see me bleed…he saw me in that state already..tama na..he had his laugh na…

“I’m like the dumb girl that doesn’t get it. I’ve never been the dumb girl before. It ain’t so great.”

So far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re just time away

Long ago I reached for you and there you stood

Holding you again could only do me good

Oh, how I wish I could

But you’re so far away

One more song about moving along the highway

Can’t say much of anything that’s new

If I could only work this life out my way

I’d rather spend it being close to you

But you’re so far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re so far away

Traveling around sure gets me down and lonely

Nothing else to do but close my mind

I sure hope the road don’t come to own me

There’s so many dreams I’ve yet to find

But you’re so far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re so far away

Currently listening to:

I absolutely love the movie..that’s how women are when they cry…or when they get heartbroken…sometimes worse…

This was what I was s’posed to post a couple of days back…nwala sya kay medyo panget na coz na wala na yung momentum of why I was writing the entry at that time…

Amgine’s last post (MiSsiNg yOu) made me sad…lonely…it spoke of what I feel…what I have been feeling…sad…lonely…i miss him…(Both Tin and Jon’s gonna kick my ass for this)…i sometimes find myself thinking if he has eaten…what time he went home…looking after what he was wore today…I see him everyday..i bump into him once in a while…and I see him…how happy he seems to be…how I wish that I can be happy too…a question that Rei once asked…bakit kung sino pa ang nanloko sya pa ang masaya ngayon…bakit kung sino pa ang nanakit sya pa ang masaya ngayon….BAKET!

Now I am wishing that I have jackie’s strength…

I pray I pray I say I pray for Jackie’s strength

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.

~ by Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973) ~

I wrote something last night…but just couldn’t finish it just yet…I’ll try to finish it tonight…

This is just crap..or is it not…fuck it..this makes me hope pa…

“If two people are meant for each other, it doesnt mean that they are meant for each

other NOW.”

~Pacey whitter “Dawson’s creek”

ANG TAMANG PANAHON

Nung first year highschool ako una ko siyang nakita. Napahinga pa nga ako ng malalim habang hinahawakan ang armchair ng mahigpit nung pumasok siya sa classroom. Wow, sabi ko sa sarili ko, Ito ang lalaking magpapamemorable ng life ko. At naging siya nga.

So, ayun nagkakilala kami. “O eto si ..” sabi ng common friend namin ako naman si ” Ay, Nice to meet you.. “( kunwari pa kong di alam ang name nya eh ultimo kung saan siya may nunal sa katawan eh alam ko na) with matching pa cute na smile at looking at him from head to toe. Na amazed pa nga ako kasi ang linis-linis nya at humahalimuyak ang pabango nyang Hugo Boss.. Aaah!!! Pwedeng-pwede!! Ngumiti lang siya sa akin with matching takip ng panyo sa mouth niya. Aba, mahiyain… hmm….Teka…

Ayun naging friends kami. Tawagan sa phone, text sa cellphone exchanging sweet messages throughout highschool. Hanggang naramdaman ko na lang nung isang araw… Yak.. inlove na yata ako!! Hindi naman pwede kasi may nililigawan siya, at nung binasted siya, may

niligawan na naman siya at syempre ako hindi man lang niya ako niligawan. Siguro kasi pag niligawan niya ako wala ng challenge!!! At parang ako na ang nanligaw! Kasi naman lagi ko siyang binibigyan ng gifts pag may occasion basta kung anu-ano ang binibigay ko sa kanya. Hindi naman ako nanghihingi ng kapalit pero napansin ko ni balat ng candy wala siyang binigay sa akin.. kung meron man eh isang ½ crosswise na paper na sapilitan ko pang hiningi ka sa kanya para naman may remembrance ako nung minsan naging magkaklase kami.

Pero in fairness sinayaw naman nya ako nung 2 proms namin. Nandun yung hinawakan nya yung kamay ko papunta sa dance floor infront of everybody na halos mapaiyak ako sa sobrang saya at naisip ko na lang na ayokong matapos ang gabing yun. Sa dami ng papagdaanan ko nung minahal ko siya, napagod na rin ako nung may niligawan uli siya.

Hindi na ko makatiis hanggang nung Graduation namin inamin ko sa kanya na mahal ko talaga siya since first year. Wala akong pakialam kung anong isipin nya basta ang alam ko kailangan ko na sabihin dahil baka hindi na kami magkita. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin huminga sya ng malalim at bigla niyang sinabing.. ” Kasi… ano…Friends lang talaga eh.” sh*t!!!! Nanlaki ang mata ko non tapos bigla na lang ako tumawa ng malakas “Sabi ko nga eh. Hahaha!” with matching hampas pa sa braso niya. Tapos non eh pinilit ko siyang kalimutan.

Nag college na ko maraming cute pero …. Haaay…. Wala pa ring maka higit sa kanya. May nanligaw naman sa akin nung mga time na yun, Isang cute na fil-am, yung coño kong friend at isang cute na guy na mas bata sa kin ng 3 yrs kaya lang hindi ko sila maiwasang I compare sa kanya. Bakit siya cute sya ngumiti? Bakit siya ang napapangiti niya ako ? Sasagutin ko na sana yung isa dahil hindi na ito normal! Goodluck! Hindi ko pa rin kaya! Bigla kong naisip na KUNG HINDI LANG SIYA.. WAG NA LANG. Naisip ko na minsan lang pala ako umibig.Naisip ko na sa isang lalaki ko lang pala gagawin yung

mga kagagahan at kamamasangan ko. Siya lang talaga ang hinihiyaw ng puso ko. Haaay.. nakakainis!!!

Anyway, hindi ko na siya nakita for 5 years, pero nababalitaan ko pa rin yung mga nangyayari sa kanya. Gumraduate na siya.. (Uuuy, Congrats!), May trabaho na siya ( Goodluck sa job!) May girlfriend na siya ( I’m happy for you…waaah!) at kung anu-ano pa . Tutal naman may career na ko and the money’s good at naalagaan ko yung parents ko and I can hang-out with my friends kaya okay lang pero… parang kulang pa rin

dahil naiisip ko pa rin siya. Mas mabuti na rin yung ganito kasi ayun nga sa kanta ” I’ll know I’ll never love this way again” hindi na ko makakapagmahal ng todo-todo na umaapaw uli sa isang lalaki.

Isang hapon habang nagdadrive na ko pauwi napasabak pa ko sa traffic. Napatingin ako sa kanan ko sa katabi kong car. Napansin ko pa nga yung kamay ng driver. Naalala ko yung kamay nung minahal ko sa sobrang kakatsansing sa kamay non eh syempre sinong di

makakamemorize non noh! Anyway, tumingin na ko sa highway. Grabe traffic pa rin!! Birthday pa naman ng friend ko nung highschool at excited na kong makipagtsismisan. Pagtingin ko uli sa kanan sa mamang may cute na kamay eh bigla akong nagulat nakatingin pala sa akin yung driver. Ako naman tong si iwas. After kong nabigo sa pag-ibig nung highschool eh nagsusuplada na ang lola niyo.

After ng matagal na traffic eh nakarating na ko sa party ng friend ko syempre walang humpay na tsismisan at tawanan at balitaan sa mga buhay-buhay namin. Biglang may dumating na car na parang familiar sa akin tapos biglang bumaba yung tao sa loob .. Biglang may nagsalita sa likod ko ” Hoy, pare!! Ang tagal mo!” bigla siyang nagsalita with matching punas ng panyo sa noo. ” Traffic eh.” With matching ngiti at humalimuyak na naman ang Hugo Boss sa ilong ko.

O, HINDEE!! ANG LALAKING NAKASABAY KO SA TRAFFIC NA MAY MAGANDANG KAMAY……

Biglang sabi ng friend ko sa kanya ” Teka naalala mo pa ba si…?”

AY WALANG IBA KUNG HINDI ANG TANGING LALAKING MINAHAL KO ALL MY LIFE.

Gusto kong magpalamon sa lupa, magpakalunod at sakalin ang friend ko sa sobrang hiya. Hindi pa ko handang makita siya!!!

Bigla siyang tumingin sa akin at sinabing.” OO NAMAN. ALALANG-ALALA.”

Whaaat?? Ano uli???

Naalala nya pa ko!!!

At ang hayop kung kaibigan ay iniwan kaming dalawa. Ayun, tanong sya sa kin ng tanong sa buhay ko. Nag-alok siayng ihatid ako sa bahay sabi ko may car ako. Tumawa siya at sabi niyang “Oo nga ikaw nga yung nakita ko sa traffic!!”

Lagi niya akong sinusundo sa office ko, nagdidinner din kami at syempre tinatawagn niya ako sa bahay ko gabi-gabi. Hindi ko alam pero parang bumaligtad yata ang mundo!

After 2 months, naging kami.

After 1 year, nagpakasal na din kami.

Before kaming ikasal sinabi niya sa akin

” Naalala mo nung gumraduate tayo at pinagtapat mo sa akin na mahal mo ko?” Namula na lang ako bigla at nag joke ” Ah.. yun? Bata pa ko non!”

Bigla nyang hinawakan ang kamay ko at sinabing ” Hindi na tayo bata non. Mas pinili kong makakilala ng mga maling babae kesa maging tayo sa maling panahon na hindi pa tayo handa. Unang kita ko pa lang syo, narandaman ko na ikaw na ang babaeng para sa akin”

Napatingin muna ako sa kamay niya na buong highschool kong pinagnasaan at sa mukha nya. Ano ba to!! Naiiyak ako kasi naiiyak din siya. Totoo ba ito?

At naramdaman ko ang yakap sa amin ni LORD…Kami nga talaga para sa isa’t isa

At ito na nga ang tamang panahon…ü

“Sometimes letting go is the only way to move forward…”

Here is your horoscope

for Wednesday, June 30:

Wherever you are, the good times will start tonight. Yes, it seems a little early, and no, you don’t usually behave this way. Isn’t that wonderfully liberating? You go!

—> good times?!?!?! what good times? if its the continous laughter I had with Jets over dinner in Teriyaki (i kept on saying Oyster Boy) Boy in Glorietta then I’m headed to happy happy joy joy land…sana sana..im crossing all my fingers and toes….

I had to rush out of the office because the ever makulit Jets was texting me paulit ulit coz I was late for our 715 meeting. A team mate was late getting to the office and I just couldn’t leave lang naman like that…so as soon as she arrived I rushed out and waited for a cab under the pouring rain..well, not naman pouring. More of a heavy drizzle. While I was waiting for a cab biglang ko nalang nakita that the guy walking towards me was A. His left shoulder almost brushed my back if I didn’t have move agad. Thank God for quick reflexes…well, for the second time that day, our eyes locked…something that I hate happening…because I want him to know that he does not matter in my life..that to me he is nothing…well..as you know friends..that’s not so true…that’s just the me that I want him to know kahit na deep inside…arrgghhh why can’t letting just go be that easy…fuck it!…a tear or two found its way to my cheeks..but as soon as Jets saw me, he knew something was wrong and he hugged me and made me laugh…something that I need to have everyday…jet medicine is what I call it…

It’s kinda weird why people in the office tells me na I’m blooming (sorry guys, I really don’t respond well to compliments)…i dunno why they say that when deep inside I feel so fucked up…i guess that’s the wonder of make up…i make it a point to look my best when i’m in the office and I know na he’s gonna be there…if you feel fucked up, it shouldn’t show outside..especially infront of the person who made you feel that way…just like what that scientist in the movie Bond said..”…They musn’t see you bleed..you must have an escape plan…” Well, I’m not letting him see me bleed…he saw me in that state already..tama na..he had his laugh na…

“I’m like the dumb girl that doesn’t get it. I’ve never been the dumb girl before. It ain’t so great.”

So far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re just time away

Long ago I reached for you and there you stood

Holding you again could only do me good

Oh, how I wish I could

But you’re so far away

One more song about moving along the highway

Can’t say much of anything that’s new

If I could only work this life out my way

I’d rather spend it being close to you

But you’re so far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re so far away

Traveling around sure gets me down and lonely

Nothing else to do but close my mind

I sure hope the road don’t come to own me

There’s so many dreams I’ve yet to find

But you’re so far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re so far away

Currently listening to:

I absolutely love the movie..that’s how women are when they cry…or when they get heartbroken…sometimes worse…

This was what I was s’posed to post a couple of days back…nwala sya kay medyo panget na coz na wala na yung momentum of why I was writing the entry at that time…

Amgine’s last post (MiSsiNg yOu) made me sad…lonely…it spoke of what I feel…what I have been feeling…sad…lonely…i miss him…(Both Tin and Jon’s gonna kick my ass for this)…i sometimes find myself thinking if he has eaten…what time he went home…looking after what he was wore today…I see him everyday..i bump into him once in a while…and I see him…how happy he seems to be…how I wish that I can be happy too…a question that Rei once asked…bakit kung sino pa ang nanloko sya pa ang masaya ngayon…bakit kung sino pa ang nanakit sya pa ang masaya ngayon….BAKET!

Now I am wishing that I have jackie’s strength…

I pray I pray I say I pray for Jackie’s strength

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.

~ by Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973) ~

Here is your horoscope

for Wednesday, June 30:

Wherever you are, the good times will start tonight. Yes, it seems a little early, and no, you don’t usually behave this way. Isn’t that wonderfully liberating? You go!

—> good times?!?!?! what good times? if its the continous laughter I had with Jets over dinner in Teriyaki (i kept on saying Oyster Boy) Boy in Glorietta then I’m headed to happy happy joy joy land…sana sana..im crossing all my fingers and toes….

I had to rush out of the office because the ever makulit Jets was texting me paulit ulit coz I was late for our 715 meeting. A team mate was late getting to the office and I just couldn’t leave lang naman like that…so as soon as she arrived I rushed out and waited for a cab under the pouring rain..well, not naman pouring. More of a heavy drizzle. While I was waiting for a cab biglang ko nalang nakita that the guy walking towards me was A. His left shoulder almost brushed my back if I didn’t have move agad. Thank God for quick reflexes…well, for the second time that day, our eyes locked…something that I hate happening…because I want him to know that he does not matter in my life..that to me he is nothing…well..as you know friends..that’s not so true…that’s just the me that I want him to know kahit na deep inside…arrgghhh why can’t letting just go be that easy…fuck it!…a tear or two found its way to my cheeks..but as soon as Jets saw me, he knew something was wrong and he hugged me and made me laugh…something that I need to have everyday…jet medicine is what I call it…

It’s kinda weird why people in the office tells me na I’m blooming (sorry guys, I really don’t respond well to compliments)…i dunno why they say that when deep inside I feel so fucked up…i guess that’s the wonder of make up…i make it a point to look my best when i’m in the office and I know na he’s gonna be there…if you feel fucked up, it shouldn’t show outside..especially infront of the person who made you feel that way…just like what that scientist in the movie Bond said..”…They musn’t see you bleed..you must have an escape plan…” Well, I’m not letting him see me bleed…he saw me in that state already..tama na..he had his laugh na…

“I’m like the dumb girl that doesn’t get it. I’ve never been the dumb girl before. It ain’t so great.”

So far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re just time away

Long ago I reached for you and there you stood

Holding you again could only do me good

Oh, how I wish I could

But you’re so far away

One more song about moving along the highway

Can’t say much of anything that’s new

If I could only work this life out my way

I’d rather spend it being close to you

But you’re so far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re so far away

Traveling around sure gets me down and lonely

Nothing else to do but close my mind

I sure hope the road don’t come to own me

There’s so many dreams I’ve yet to find

But you’re so far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re so far away

Currently listening to:

I absolutely love the movie..that’s how women are when they cry…or when they get heartbroken…sometimes worse…

This was what I was s’posed to post a couple of days back…nwala sya kay medyo panget na coz na wala na yung momentum of why I was writing the entry at that time…

Amgine’s last post (MiSsiNg yOu) made me sad…lonely…it spoke of what I feel…what I have been feeling…sad…lonely…i miss him…(Both Tin and Jon’s gonna kick my ass for this)…i sometimes find myself thinking if he has eaten…what time he went home…looking after what he was wore today…I see him everyday..i bump into him once in a while…and I see him…how happy he seems to be…how I wish that I can be happy too…a question that Rei once asked…bakit kung sino pa ang nanloko sya pa ang masaya ngayon…bakit kung sino pa ang nanakit sya pa ang masaya ngayon….BAKET!

Now I am wishing that I have jackie’s strength…

I pray I pray I say I pray for Jackie’s strength

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.

~ by Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973) ~

Here is your horoscope

for Wednesday, June 30:

Wherever you are, the good times will start tonight. Yes, it seems a little early, and no, you don’t usually behave this way. Isn’t that wonderfully liberating? You go!

—> good times?!?!?! what good times? if its the continous laughter I had with Jets over dinner in Teriyaki (i kept on saying Oyster Boy) Boy in Glorietta then I’m headed to happy happy joy joy land…sana sana..im crossing all my fingers and toes….

I had to rush out of the office because the ever makulit Jets was texting me paulit ulit coz I was late for our 715 meeting. A team mate was late getting to the office and I just couldn’t leave lang naman like that…so as soon as she arrived I rushed out and waited for a cab under the pouring rain..well, not naman pouring. More of a heavy drizzle. While I was waiting for a cab biglang ko nalang nakita that the guy walking towards me was A. His left shoulder almost brushed my back if I didn’t have move agad. Thank God for quick reflexes…well, for the second time that day, our eyes locked…something that I hate happening…because I want him to know that he does not matter in my life..that to me he is nothing…well..as you know friends..that’s not so true…that’s just the me that I want him to know kahit na deep inside…arrgghhh why can’t letting just go be that easy…fuck it!…a tear or two found its way to my cheeks..but as soon as Jets saw me, he knew something was wrong and he hugged me and made me laugh…something that I need to have everyday…jet medicine is what I call it…

It’s kinda weird why people in the office tells me na I’m blooming (sorry guys, I really don’t respond well to compliments)…i dunno why they say that when deep inside I feel so fucked up…i guess that’s the wonder of make up…i make it a point to look my best when i’m in the office and I know na he’s gonna be there…if you feel fucked up, it shouldn’t show outside..especially infront of the person who made you feel that way…just like what that scientist in the movie Bond said..”…They musn’t see you bleed..you must have an escape plan…” Well, I’m not letting him see me bleed…he saw me in that state already..tama na..he had his laugh na…

“I’m like the dumb girl that doesn’t get it. I’ve never been the dumb girl before. It ain’t so great.”

So far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re just time away

Long ago I reached for you and there you stood

Holding you again could only do me good

Oh, how I wish I could

But you’re so far away

One more song about moving along the highway

Can’t say much of anything that’s new

If I could only work this life out my way

I’d rather spend it being close to you

But you’re so far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re so far away

Traveling around sure gets me down and lonely

Nothing else to do but close my mind

I sure hope the road don’t come to own me

There’s so many dreams I’ve yet to find

But you’re so far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re so far away

Currently listening to:

I absolutely love the movie..that’s how women are when they cry…or when they get heartbroken…sometimes worse…

This was what I was s’posed to post a couple of days back…nwala sya kay medyo panget na coz na wala na yung momentum of why I was writing the entry at that time…

Amgine’s last post (MiSsiNg yOu) made me sad…lonely…it spoke of what I feel…what I have been feeling…sad…lonely…i miss him…(Both Tin and Jon’s gonna kick my ass for this)…i sometimes find myself thinking if he has eaten…what time he went home…looking after what he was wore today…I see him everyday..i bump into him once in a while…and I see him…how happy he seems to be…how I wish that I can be happy too…a question that Rei once asked…bakit kung sino pa ang nanloko sya pa ang masaya ngayon…bakit kung sino pa ang nanakit sya pa ang masaya ngayon….BAKET!

Now I am wishing that I have jackie’s strength…

I pray I pray I say I pray for Jackie’s strength

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.

~ by Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973) ~

Here is your horoscope

for Wednesday, June 30:

Wherever you are, the good times will start tonight. Yes, it seems a little early, and no, you don’t usually behave this way. Isn’t that wonderfully liberating? You go!

—> good times?!?!?! what good times? if its the continous laughter I had with Jets over dinner in Teriyaki (i kept on saying Oyster Boy) Boy in Glorietta then I’m headed to happy happy joy joy land…sana sana..im crossing all my fingers and toes….

I had to rush out of the office because the ever makulit Jets was texting me paulit ulit coz I was late for our 715 meeting. A team mate was late getting to the office and I just couldn’t leave lang naman like that…so as soon as she arrived I rushed out and waited for a cab under the pouring rain..well, not naman pouring. More of a heavy drizzle. While I was waiting for a cab biglang ko nalang nakita that the guy walking towards me was A. His left shoulder almost brushed my back if I didn’t have move agad. Thank God for quick reflexes…well, for the second time that day, our eyes locked…something that I hate happening…because I want him to know that he does not matter in my life..that to me he is nothing…well..as you know friends..that’s not so true…that’s just the me that I want him to know kahit na deep inside…arrgghhh why can’t letting just go be that easy…fuck it!…a tear or two found its way to my cheeks..but as soon as Jets saw me, he knew something was wrong and he hugged me and made me laugh…something that I need to have everyday…jet medicine is what I call it…

It’s kinda weird why people in the office tells me na I’m blooming (sorry guys, I really don’t respond well to compliments)…i dunno why they say that when deep inside I feel so fucked up…i guess that’s the wonder of make up…i make it a point to look my best when i’m in the office and I know na he’s gonna be there…if you feel fucked up, it shouldn’t show outside..especially infront of the person who made you feel that way…just like what that scientist in the movie Bond said..”…They musn’t see you bleed..you must have an escape plan…” Well, I’m not letting him see me bleed…he saw me in that state already..tama na..he had his laugh na…

“I’m like the dumb girl that doesn’t get it. I’ve never been the dumb girl before. It ain’t so great.”

So far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re just time away

Long ago I reached for you and there you stood

Holding you again could only do me good

Oh, how I wish I could

But you’re so far away

One more song about moving along the highway

Can’t say much of anything that’s new

If I could only work this life out my way

I’d rather spend it being close to you

But you’re so far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re so far away

Traveling around sure gets me down and lonely

Nothing else to do but close my mind

I sure hope the road don’t come to own me

There’s so many dreams I’ve yet to find

But you’re so far away

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn’t help to know you’re so far away

Currently listening to:

I absolutely love the movie..that’s how women are when they cry…or when they get heartbroken…sometimes worse…

This was what I was s’posed to post a couple of days back…nwala sya kay medyo panget na coz na wala na yung momentum of why I was writing the entry at that time…

Amgine’s last post (MiSsiNg yOu) made me sad…lonely…it spoke of what I feel…what I have been feeling…sad…lonely…i miss him…(Both Tin and Jon’s gonna kick my ass for this)…i sometimes find myself thinking if he has eaten…what time he went home…looking after what he was wore today…I see him everyday..i bump into him once in a while…and I see him…how happy he seems to be…how I wish that I can be happy too…a question that Rei once asked…bakit kung sino pa ang nanloko sya pa ang masaya ngayon…bakit kung sino pa ang nanakit sya pa ang masaya ngayon….BAKET!

Now I am wishing that I have jackie’s strength…

I pray I pray I say I pray for Jackie’s strength

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.

~ by Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973) ~

I wrote something last night…but just couldn’t finish it just yet…I’ll try to finish it tonight…

This is just crap..or is it not…fuck it..this makes me hope pa…

“If two people are meant for each other, it doesnt mean that they are meant for each

other NOW.”

~Pacey whitter “Dawson’s creek”

ANG TAMANG PANAHON

Nung first year highschool ako una ko siyang nakita. Napahinga pa nga ako ng malalim habang hinahawakan ang armchair ng mahigpit nung pumasok siya sa classroom. Wow, sabi ko sa sarili ko, Ito ang lalaking magpapamemorable ng life ko. At naging siya nga.

So, ayun nagkakilala kami. “O eto si ..” sabi ng common friend namin ako naman si ” Ay, Nice to meet you.. “( kunwari pa kong di alam ang name nya eh ultimo kung saan siya may nunal sa katawan eh alam ko na) with matching pa cute na smile at looking at him from head to toe. Na amazed pa nga ako kasi ang linis-linis nya at humahalimuyak ang pabango nyang Hugo Boss.. Aaah!!! Pwedeng-pwede!! Ngumiti lang siya sa akin with matching takip ng panyo sa mouth niya. Aba, mahiyain… hmm….Teka…

Ayun naging friends kami. Tawagan sa phone, text sa cellphone exchanging sweet messages throughout highschool. Hanggang naramdaman ko na lang nung isang araw… Yak.. inlove na yata ako!! Hindi naman pwede kasi may nililigawan siya, at nung binasted siya, may

niligawan na naman siya at syempre ako hindi man lang niya ako niligawan. Siguro kasi pag niligawan niya ako wala ng challenge!!! At parang ako na ang nanligaw! Kasi naman lagi ko siyang binibigyan ng gifts pag may occasion basta kung anu-ano ang binibigay ko sa kanya. Hindi naman ako nanghihingi ng kapalit pero napansin ko ni balat ng candy wala siyang binigay sa akin.. kung meron man eh isang ½ crosswise na paper na sapilitan ko pang hiningi ka sa kanya para naman may remembrance ako nung minsan naging magkaklase kami.

Pero in fairness sinayaw naman nya ako nung 2 proms namin. Nandun yung hinawakan nya yung kamay ko papunta sa dance floor infront of everybody na halos mapaiyak ako sa sobrang saya at naisip ko na lang na ayokong matapos ang gabing yun. Sa dami ng papagdaanan ko nung minahal ko siya, napagod na rin ako nung may niligawan uli siya.

Hindi na ko makatiis hanggang nung Graduation namin inamin ko sa kanya na mahal ko talaga siya since first year. Wala akong pakialam kung anong isipin nya basta ang alam ko kailangan ko na sabihin dahil baka hindi na kami magkita. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin huminga sya ng malalim at bigla niyang sinabing.. ” Kasi… ano…Friends lang talaga eh.” sh*t!!!! Nanlaki ang mata ko non tapos bigla na lang ako tumawa ng malakas “Sabi ko nga eh. Hahaha!” with matching hampas pa sa braso niya. Tapos non eh pinilit ko siyang kalimutan.

Nag college na ko maraming cute pero …. Haaay…. Wala pa ring maka higit sa kanya. May nanligaw naman sa akin nung mga time na yun, Isang cute na fil-am, yung coño kong friend at isang cute na guy na mas bata sa kin ng 3 yrs kaya lang hindi ko sila maiwasang I compare sa kanya. Bakit siya cute sya ngumiti? Bakit siya ang napapangiti niya ako ? Sasagutin ko na sana yung isa dahil hindi na ito normal! Goodluck! Hindi ko pa rin kaya! Bigla kong naisip na KUNG HINDI LANG SIYA.. WAG NA LANG. Naisip ko na minsan lang pala ako umibig.Naisip ko na sa isang lalaki ko lang pala gagawin yung

mga kagagahan at kamamasangan ko. Siya lang talaga ang hinihiyaw ng puso ko. Haaay.. nakakainis!!!

Anyway, hindi ko na siya nakita for 5 years, pero nababalitaan ko pa rin yung mga nangyayari sa kanya. Gumraduate na siya.. (Uuuy, Congrats!), May trabaho na siya ( Goodluck sa job!) May girlfriend na siya ( I’m happy for you…waaah!) at kung anu-ano pa . Tutal naman may career na ko and the money’s good at naalagaan ko yung parents ko and I can hang-out with my friends kaya okay lang pero… parang kulang pa rin

dahil naiisip ko pa rin siya. Mas mabuti na rin yung ganito kasi ayun nga sa kanta ” I’ll know I’ll never love this way again” hindi na ko makakapagmahal ng todo-todo na umaapaw uli sa isang lalaki.

Isang hapon habang nagdadrive na ko pauwi napasabak pa ko sa traffic. Napatingin ako sa kanan ko sa katabi kong car. Napansin ko pa nga yung kamay ng driver. Naalala ko yung kamay nung minahal ko sa sobrang kakatsansing sa kamay non eh syempre sinong di

makakamemorize non noh! Anyway, tumingin na ko sa highway. Grabe traffic pa rin!! Birthday pa naman ng friend ko nung highschool at excited na kong makipagtsismisan. Pagtingin ko uli sa kanan sa mamang may cute na kamay eh bigla akong nagulat nakatingin pala sa akin yung driver. Ako naman tong si iwas. After kong nabigo sa pag-ibig nung highschool eh nagsusuplada na ang lola niyo.

After ng matagal na traffic eh nakarating na ko sa party ng friend ko syempre walang humpay na tsismisan at tawanan at balitaan sa mga buhay-buhay namin. Biglang may dumating na car na parang familiar sa akin tapos biglang bumaba yung tao sa loob .. Biglang may nagsalita sa likod ko ” Hoy, pare!! Ang tagal mo!” bigla siyang nagsalita with matching punas ng panyo sa noo. ” Traffic eh.” With matching ngiti at humalimuyak na naman ang Hugo Boss sa ilong ko.

O, HINDEE!! ANG LALAKING NAKASABAY KO SA TRAFFIC NA MAY MAGANDANG KAMAY……

Biglang sabi ng friend ko sa kanya ” Teka naalala mo pa ba si…?”

AY WALANG IBA KUNG HINDI ANG TANGING LALAKING MINAHAL KO ALL MY LIFE.

Gusto kong magpalamon sa lupa, magpakalunod at sakalin ang friend ko sa sobrang hiya. Hindi pa ko handang makita siya!!!

Bigla siyang tumingin sa akin at sinabing.” OO NAMAN. ALALANG-ALALA.”

Whaaat?? Ano uli???

Naalala nya pa ko!!!

At ang hayop kung kaibigan ay iniwan kaming dalawa. Ayun, tanong sya sa kin ng tanong sa buhay ko. Nag-alok siayng ihatid ako sa bahay sabi ko may car ako. Tumawa siya at sabi niyang “Oo nga ikaw nga yung nakita ko sa traffic!!”

Lagi niya akong sinusundo sa office ko, nagdidinner din kami at syempre tinatawagn niya ako sa bahay ko gabi-gabi. Hindi ko alam pero parang bumaligtad yata ang mundo!

After 2 months, naging kami.

After 1 year, nagpakasal na din kami.

Before kaming ikasal sinabi niya sa akin

” Naalala mo nung gumraduate tayo at pinagtapat mo sa akin na mahal mo ko?” Namula na lang ako bigla at nag joke ” Ah.. yun? Bata pa ko non!”

Bigla nyang hinawakan ang kamay ko at sinabing ” Hindi na tayo bata non. Mas pinili kong makakilala ng mga maling babae kesa maging tayo sa maling panahon na hindi pa tayo handa. Unang kita ko pa lang syo, narandaman ko na ikaw na ang babaeng para sa akin”

Napatingin muna ako sa kamay niya na buong highschool kong pinagnasaan at sa mukha nya. Ano ba to!! Naiiyak ako kasi naiiyak din siya. Totoo ba ito?

At naramdaman ko ang yakap sa amin ni LORD…Kami nga talaga para sa isa’t isa

At ito na nga ang tamang panahon…ü

“Sometimes letting go is the only way to move forward…”

Someone Else’s Star

Alone again tonight

Without someone to love

The stars are shining brighter

So one more wish goes up

Oh I wish I may

And I wish with all my might

For the love I’m dreamin of

And missin’ in my life

I guess I must be wishin’

On someone else’s star

It seems like someone else

Keeps getting what I’m wishin for

Why can’t I be as lucky

As those other people are

I guess I must be wishin’ on someone else’s star

Oh why can’t I be as lucky

As those other people are

Oh I guess I must be wishin’

On someone else’s star

It’s true when it was said that all your saved up wishes start pouring out when you’re in love or when you’re lonely…..when you need just all the luck that you can get, you crane your neck at the night sky waiting for that rare star to fall…when you’re a smoker, you save the first stick whenever you open a pack…but maybe…just maybe…luck is not on my side…maybe…just maybe…I’ve used up all wish turns and got a Go Back to jail card instead…because I’m sure am not getting any wishes answered…

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.”

~Charles A. Beard

but in the end…..

May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with optimism and courage.

Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there even when you feel most alone.

May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace.

May a kind word, a reassuring touch, a warm smile, be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive

them.

Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.

Teach love to those who know hate, and let that love embrace you as you go into the world.

May the teaching of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched and who have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less

than you would have wished.

May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart.

Find time in each day to see the beauty and love in the world around you.

Realize that each person has limitless abilities, but each of us is different in our own way.

What you may feel you lack in one regard may be more than compensated for in another.

What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future.

May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility.

Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.

May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another’s judgements of your accomplishments.

May you always feel loved.

“When a work lifts your spirits and inspires bold and noble thoughts in you, do not look for any other standard to judge by: the work is good, the product of a master craftsman.”

- La Bruyere

Someone Else’s Star

Alone again tonight

Without someone to love

The stars are shining brighter

So one more wish goes up

Oh I wish I may

And I wish with all my might

For the love I’m dreamin of

And missin’ in my life

I guess I must be wishin’

On someone else’s star

It seems like someone else

Keeps getting what I’m wishin for

Why can’t I be as lucky

As those other people are

I guess I must be wishin’ on someone else’s star

Oh why can’t I be as lucky

As those other people are

Oh I guess I must be wishin’

On someone else’s star

It’s true when it was said that all your saved up wishes start pouring out when you’re in love or when you’re lonely…..when you need just all the luck that you can get, you crane your neck at the night sky waiting for that rare star to fall…when you’re a smoker, you save the first stick whenever you open a pack…but maybe…just maybe…luck is not on my side…maybe…just maybe…I’ve used up all wish turns and got a Go Back to jail card instead…because I’m sure am not getting any wishes answered…

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.”

~Charles A. Beard

but in the end…..

May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with optimism and courage.

Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there even when you feel most alone.

May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace.

May a kind word, a reassuring touch, a warm smile, be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive

them.

Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.

Teach love to those who know hate, and let that love embrace you as you go into the world.

May the teaching of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched and who have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less

than you would have wished.

May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart.

Find time in each day to see the beauty and love in the world around you.

Realize that each person has limitless abilities, but each of us is different in our own way.

What you may feel you lack in one regard may be more than compensated for in another.

What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future.

May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility.

Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.

May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another’s judgements of your accomplishments.

May you always feel loved.

“When a work lifts your spirits and inspires bold and noble thoughts in you, do not look for any other standard to judge by: the work is good, the product of a master craftsman.”

- La Bruyere