last thursday nag half day ako…last week naman, thursday din, i didnt go to work..thursday sickness na ito…

i woke up early naman but my mind and body just couldn’t stand up…yknow that feeling na you just wanna lie down and die…that’s what I’ve been feeling every single day…lethargic…sad…tired…sleepy…can i just die nalang???

“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again

tomorrow’.”

I met up with Aries last thursday in Glorietta. MAN! I am not gonna go on another blind date! it was disastrous…not the situation but his looks…ang panget nya! period that’s it. panget na nga sya he doesn’t talk that much pa and when he does puro nonsense naman.bwisit. i had to ask my guy friends norgy and den to fetch me. God bless their souls. kaso nga lang nagpalibre sa akin as payment…hahaha…you might be saying na I’m mean and that I didn’t give the poor guy a chance..pero hello …one: he wanted me to go with him to his friend’s party in Sybil..the place plang..yuck..i never go there…he also prononced it as “ci-vil”. second: when we were in Powerbooks and it so happened that he found me browsing through the Psychology section he asked what course I took up and said na” “siguro ang dame mong gusto pag aralan na utak no?” DU-UH!!! Is there a stupid express??? and lastly, he kept on saying “ganun ba yun.” which irritated me..parang he was patronizing me…Gawd! So next time if any of you guys will make me pa date sa nga friends nyo make sure na they speak well naman ok? a brain comes handy too, yknow…good looks din is a plus…PIMP ME! PIMP ME! PIMP ME! hehehehe

RAINBOW

by south border

fallin out fallin in

nothings sure in this world no no

breaking down breaking in

never knowing what lies ahead

we can really never tell it all no no

say goodbye say hello

to a lover or friend

sometimes we could never understand

why some things begin with just love

we can never have it all

no no no ohh

but oh, cant you see

that no matter what happens

life goes on and on

and so baby just smile

coz im always around you

and i’ll make you see

how beautiful life is for you and me

take a little time baby

see the butterflie’s colors

listen to the birds that sent to sing for me and you

can you feel me

this is such a wonderful place to me

even if there is pain now

everything will be alright

for as long as the world still turns

there will be night and day

can you hear me

there’s a rainbow always after the rain

hittin high hittin low

win or lose you should go

yeah yeah

getting warm getting cold

weather can be so good or bad

but baby this is life so dont get mad

no no no

coz ohhh

can’t you see

that no matter what happens

life goes on and on

and so baby just smile

coz im always around you

and i’ll make you see

how beautiful life is for you and me

take a little time baby

see the butterflie’s colors

listen to the birds that sent to sing for me and

you

can you feel me

this is such a wonderful place to me

even if there is pain now

everything will be alright

for as long as the world still turns

there will be night and day

can you hear me

there’s a rainbow always after the rain

life’s full of challenges

not all the time we get what we want

but dont despair my dear

you’ll take it each trial

and you’ll make it through the storm

coz youre strong

my faith in you is clear

so i say once again

this world’s beautiful

let us celebrate life that is so beautiful

so beautiful…

take a little time baby

see the butterflie’s colors

listen to the birds that sent to sing for me and

you

can you feel me

this is such a wonderful place to me

even if there is pain now

everything will be alright

for as long as the world still turns

there will be night and day

can you hear me

there’s a rainbow always after the rain

I so love this song..got this from Amgine’s blog:

CoMe oN In OuT of ThE RaiN

You said you believed that we’d Find love together

happily After all the wrong I’ve done You feel that I’m

still the one To give your loving to So bring it home to you

You told me that you’d love me if I’d ever change

Welcome me into your arms again Come on in out of the

rain, hey There’s a place in your heart to love me

again Happiness and joy you bring When you call my name

Come on in out of the rain

I loved no one but you But I strayed, I know I made you

blue You spoke unto my very soul You warmed my heart

that once was cold Now I’m so glad to know

You told me that you’d love me if I’d ever change

Welcome me into your arms again Come on in out of the

rain, hey There’s a place in your heart to love me

again Happiness and joy you bring When you call my name

Come on in out of the rain

Some people spend a lifetime looking for love And I had

love right here all the time Why did I try to deny it

Deep inside I just couldn’t fight it You turned my life

around The love I lost is found So let the rain come down

You told me that you’d love me if I’d ever change

Welcome me into your arms again Come on in out of the

rain, hey There’s a place in your heart to love me

again Happiness and joy you bring When you call my name

Come on in out of the rain

(Come on in out of the rain) Ooooo-oh-ooo, yeah, yeah,

yeah (Come on in out of the rain) Baby, come out of the

rain

You are Slinky Heels! You’re an uptown, well put together woman But you’re not too uptight to enjoy a hot club You’re always the best dressed chick in the room And you’ll only settle for the best in men What Shoe Are You? Take This Quiz Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are An Intro-Extrovert! Sometimes you’re social – sometimes you’re shy You’ve got a bit of an Introvert / Extrovert split going on You enjoy all sorts of situations. Parties, small groups, and alone time. Too much of one, and you’ll long for the other. You need varity! Chances are, you’ve got both serious and fun friends – and they don’t get along. Are You An Extrovert or Introvert? Take This Quiz Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

1. What do you do for a living?

***I cry for a living***

2. What do you like most about your job?

***the people I’m with

3. What do you like least about your job?

***my ex is in the same place

4. When you have a bad day at work it’s usually because _____…

***something or someone broke my heart

5. What other career(s) are you interested in?

***I’ve always wanted to be a pre school teacher..I LOVE KIDS!!!

I so love this song..got this from Amgine’s blog:

CoMe oN In OuT of ThE RaiN

You said you believed that we’d Find love together

happily After all the wrong I’ve done You feel that I’m

still the one To give your loving to So bring it home to you

You told me that you’d love me if I’d ever change

Welcome me into your arms again Come on in out of the

rain, hey There’s a place in your heart to love me

again Happiness and joy you bring When you call my name

Come on in out of the rain

I loved no one but you But I strayed, I know I made you

blue You spoke unto my very soul You warmed my heart

that once was cold Now I’m so glad to know

You told me that you’d love me if I’d ever change

Welcome me into your arms again Come on in out of the

rain, hey There’s a place in your heart to love me

again Happiness and joy you bring When you call my name

Come on in out of the rain

Some people spend a lifetime looking for love And I had

love right here all the time Why did I try to deny it

Deep inside I just couldn’t fight it You turned my life

around The love I lost is found So let the rain come down

You told me that you’d love me if I’d ever change

Welcome me into your arms again Come on in out of the

rain, hey There’s a place in your heart to love me

again Happiness and joy you bring When you call my name

Come on in out of the rain

(Come on in out of the rain) Ooooo-oh-ooo, yeah, yeah,

yeah (Come on in out of the rain) Baby, come out of the

rain

You are Slinky Heels! You’re an uptown, well put together woman But you’re not too uptight to enjoy a hot club You’re always the best dressed chick in the room And you’ll only settle for the best in men What Shoe Are You? Take This Quiz Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are An Intro-Extrovert! Sometimes you’re social – sometimes you’re shy You’ve got a bit of an Introvert / Extrovert split going on You enjoy all sorts of situations. Parties, small groups, and alone time. Too much of one, and you’ll long for the other. You need varity! Chances are, you’ve got both serious and fun friends – and they don’t get along. Are You An Extrovert or Introvert? Take This Quiz Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

1. What do you do for a living?

***I cry for a living***

2. What do you like most about your job?

***the people I’m with

3. What do you like least about your job?

***my ex is in the same place

4. When you have a bad day at work it’s usually because _____…

***something or someone broke my heart

5. What other career(s) are you interested in?

***I’ve always wanted to be a pre school teacher..I LOVE KIDS!!!

“….and it sucks because I know he’s out there falling in and out of love with girls…that aren’t me.”

I finally passed it. this time I gave to my TM para derecho na agad. it was something that I did not want to do but I HAVE to do. for my peace of mind…for my heart…

my TM told me to take a breather muna…time to think para I’ll know what I really want…what I really want is to stay…what I really want is for me not to get hurt anymore…what I really want is……..but there are somethings that you have to do to keep your sanity…there are some things that you have to do keep your heart from bleeding more and more…

somebody texted me agad to ask if i was resigning..how news travel so fast…tm palang and smes ang nakakaalam nakaikot na agad..oh well ganyan tlaga..buti pa ibang tao may paki…but the one person who you thought you shared something special with….wala…i guess thats the story of our lives…meeting…and parting…and meeting again…

spoke to someone kanina…the girl said na…the reason why we broke was because we had unresolved issues. Because I didn’t talk when something was bothering me. Sakit. I know na that was the reason before pero sa dame na ng nangyari di ko na alam kung ano ang totoo. sakit na malaman sa ibang tao. sakit na tlagang he gave up on me when I didn’t give up on him kahit na on his part meron syang mga mali din naman na tiniis ko. masakit kse bakit ako lang ang nag try na i-work out lahat tapos sya..wala…ayaw nalang…i valued him kaya I changed tapos sya …nothing….i guess that’s what you get when you love someone so much…when you give your heart to someone na walang ka nang tinira sa sarili mo…i’m paying for my sins…sana lang yung bayad di ganito kasakit…sana sa iba nalang kse kunin pa yung kaisaisang tao na minahal mo ng lubos lubusan…..sana….sana….

Lord, ikaw na bahala…

“With all due respect…Men I may not know. But shoes? Shoes I know!”~Carrie

Yesterday, met up with Rica and Nina in their clinic in Ortigas waited for Alex, Nin’s very funny boyfriend then went to Eastwood na for the CLP (Christian Life Program). They asked me if I wanted to join especially since I am going through a lot now. Last night’s talk was the 4th na pala in a series of 13 talks. So I have to make up daw for the first 3 that I wasnt able to attend. The talk was long and talks about repentance and sin..nyakrs apt na apt a…and the speaker was Jojo…ok naman din..then after an hour long talk ata we broke into groups called households for sharing sharing…at first I didnt like the griup I was with. puro girls kme. the facilitator kse kept on laughing and laughing na parang nawawala tuloy yung seriousness nung whatever it was that we were s’posed to talk about. I was the 2nd to the last person na nag share. I almost cried but I didn’t (thank God!). I wasn’t able to make kwento the whole thing kse the girl kept on interrupting me. Everyone was so supportive. Sobra. Almost everyone went through the same thing as I did. Yung iba mas grabe pa. One girl stayed with a guy for 7 years and ..pooffff…nothing din…In the end, I decide to keep an open mind and heart about the whole thing…its a support group…beats paying for a shrink a couple of hundreds per hour..but I still need to go to my shrink for the meds…see! how destructive love can be…bakit pa kase kailangan magmahal….

Learning Patience With God

My mother was dying of leukemia. My two older sisters, father,and I had shared the last three weeks in the hospital room with her. In two years, she had gone from a strong matriarch to a helpless

invalid.

For the last three days, she had been in a semi-conscious state of moaning and lifelessness. She could no longer speak through her dry, swollen lips. Her eyes had the blank void of a moonless midnight.

On the night of the third day, I knew what I must do. I must cease being the selfish, clinging son. I sped purposefully to the chapel. There I gave God permission to take my mother. I could no

longer stand to see her suffer, so I prayed for the permanent healingthat only death can bring.

I returned to the room with a peaceful heart for I knew by the next morning my mother would also be at peace. I had the best night’s sleep in weeks. The next morning, as the sun broke through

the window, I awoke. My first thoughts were, “It’s over”. But then a noise, a stirring directed my attention from the window to the bed.

A small movement made me realize that my mother was still alive. It was all I could do to keep from screaming aloud, “God, how can You do this to me? I became a selfless son, and gave You permission to

end this, and You still kept her in her misery.” But before I could have exclaimed this, I was shocked to see that there was more than just a movement.

My mother rolled onto her side, and looked into the glare of the newly risen sun. Then, as the sun made sparkling starbursts in her eyes, she licked her parched lips, and said “Gee, it’s going to

be a beautiful day today”. Needless to say this got our attention

quickly.

Being the youngest, and fastest, I was first to her bedside. “Mom, it’s me, Jerry, do you recognize me”? “Of course I do Jerry”,she replied.

We all took our turns talking to her. Other relatives came and were able to talk to her, as she answered not in her old voice, but rather in the voice of a child. The doctor’s explanation was that

the brain stem was being destroyed, accounting for the sudden change. It was a joyous day of laughing, and celebrating life with our family. That night we all went to sleep peacefully.

The next morning, we were awaken to the stirring of angel’s wings, and my mother was finally healed of her suffering. She had awakened to the Risen Son.

The next few days were hectic with funeral plans. It was only after the funeral that I stopped to think of what had happened. If God had answered my prayer, in my time, in my way, my final memories

of my mother would have been that of a helpless invalid, with void eyes, lying motionless in a deathbed. Instead, God answered my prayer in his time, in his omniscient way.

Now, my memories of my mother are of a day of laughing and rejoicing. Since that time I have had many rocky roads. Financial failure. A divorce. The loss of my father. But throughout it all, regardless of how stormy the night might be, I know that through God’s love, and perfect timing, I can awaken the

next morning to a newly risen sun, or to the Risen Son, and say “Gee, it’s going to be a good day.”

“….and it sucks because I know he’s out there falling in and out of love with girls…that aren’t me.”

I finally passed it. this time I gave to my TM para derecho na agad. it was something that I did not want to do but I HAVE to do. for my peace of mind…for my heart…

my TM told me to take a breather muna…time to think para I’ll know what I really want…what I really want is to stay…what I really want is for me not to get hurt anymore…what I really want is……..but there are somethings that you have to do to keep your sanity…there are some things that you have to do keep your heart from bleeding more and more…

somebody texted me agad to ask if i was resigning..how news travel so fast…tm palang and smes ang nakakaalam nakaikot na agad..oh well ganyan tlaga..buti pa ibang tao may paki…but the one person who you thought you shared something special with….wala…i guess thats the story of our lives…meeting…and parting…and meeting again…

spoke to someone kanina…the girl said na…the reason why we broke was because we had unresolved issues. Because I didn’t talk when something was bothering me. Sakit. I know na that was the reason before pero sa dame na ng nangyari di ko na alam kung ano ang totoo. sakit na malaman sa ibang tao. sakit na tlagang he gave up on me when I didn’t give up on him kahit na on his part meron syang mga mali din naman na tiniis ko. masakit kse bakit ako lang ang nag try na i-work out lahat tapos sya..wala…ayaw nalang…i valued him kaya I changed tapos sya …nothing….i guess that’s what you get when you love someone so much…when you give your heart to someone na walang ka nang tinira sa sarili mo…i’m paying for my sins…sana lang yung bayad di ganito kasakit…sana sa iba nalang kse kunin pa yung kaisaisang tao na minahal mo ng lubos lubusan…..sana….sana….

Lord, ikaw na bahala…

“With all due respect…Men I may not know. But shoes? Shoes I know!”~Carrie

Yesterday, met up with Rica and Nina in their clinic in Ortigas waited for Alex, Nin’s very funny boyfriend then went to Eastwood na for the CLP (Christian Life Program). They asked me if I wanted to join especially since I am going through a lot now. Last night’s talk was the 4th na pala in a series of 13 talks. So I have to make up daw for the first 3 that I wasnt able to attend. The talk was long and talks about repentance and sin..nyakrs apt na apt a…and the speaker was Jojo…ok naman din..then after an hour long talk ata we broke into groups called households for sharing sharing…at first I didnt like the griup I was with. puro girls kme. the facilitator kse kept on laughing and laughing na parang nawawala tuloy yung seriousness nung whatever it was that we were s’posed to talk about. I was the 2nd to the last person na nag share. I almost cried but I didn’t (thank God!). I wasn’t able to make kwento the whole thing kse the girl kept on interrupting me. Everyone was so supportive. Sobra. Almost everyone went through the same thing as I did. Yung iba mas grabe pa. One girl stayed with a guy for 7 years and ..pooffff…nothing din…In the end, I decide to keep an open mind and heart about the whole thing…its a support group…beats paying for a shrink a couple of hundreds per hour..but I still need to go to my shrink for the meds…see! how destructive love can be…bakit pa kase kailangan magmahal….

Learning Patience With God

My mother was dying of leukemia. My two older sisters, father,and I had shared the last three weeks in the hospital room with her. In two years, she had gone from a strong matriarch to a helpless

invalid.

For the last three days, she had been in a semi-conscious state of moaning and lifelessness. She could no longer speak through her dry, swollen lips. Her eyes had the blank void of a moonless midnight.

On the night of the third day, I knew what I must do. I must cease being the selfish, clinging son. I sped purposefully to the chapel. There I gave God permission to take my mother. I could no

longer stand to see her suffer, so I prayed for the permanent healingthat only death can bring.

I returned to the room with a peaceful heart for I knew by the next morning my mother would also be at peace. I had the best night’s sleep in weeks. The next morning, as the sun broke through

the window, I awoke. My first thoughts were, “It’s over”. But then a noise, a stirring directed my attention from the window to the bed.

A small movement made me realize that my mother was still alive. It was all I could do to keep from screaming aloud, “God, how can You do this to me? I became a selfless son, and gave You permission to

end this, and You still kept her in her misery.” But before I could have exclaimed this, I was shocked to see that there was more than just a movement.

My mother rolled onto her side, and looked into the glare of the newly risen sun. Then, as the sun made sparkling starbursts in her eyes, she licked her parched lips, and said “Gee, it’s going to

be a beautiful day today”. Needless to say this got our attention

quickly.

Being the youngest, and fastest, I was first to her bedside. “Mom, it’s me, Jerry, do you recognize me”? “Of course I do Jerry”,she replied.

We all took our turns talking to her. Other relatives came and were able to talk to her, as she answered not in her old voice, but rather in the voice of a child. The doctor’s explanation was that

the brain stem was being destroyed, accounting for the sudden change. It was a joyous day of laughing, and celebrating life with our family. That night we all went to sleep peacefully.

The next morning, we were awaken to the stirring of angel’s wings, and my mother was finally healed of her suffering. She had awakened to the Risen Son.

The next few days were hectic with funeral plans. It was only after the funeral that I stopped to think of what had happened. If God had answered my prayer, in my time, in my way, my final memories

of my mother would have been that of a helpless invalid, with void eyes, lying motionless in a deathbed. Instead, God answered my prayer in his time, in his omniscient way.

Now, my memories of my mother are of a day of laughing and rejoicing. Since that time I have had many rocky roads. Financial failure. A divorce. The loss of my father. But throughout it all, regardless of how stormy the night might be, I know that through God’s love, and perfect timing, I can awaken the

next morning to a newly risen sun, or to the Risen Son, and say “Gee, it’s going to be a good day.”

“….and it sucks because I know he’s out there falling in and out of love with girls…that aren’t me.”

I finally passed it. this time I gave to my TM para derecho na agad. it was something that I did not want to do but I HAVE to do. for my peace of mind…for my heart…

my TM told me to take a breather muna…time to think para I’ll know what I really want…what I really want is to stay…what I really want is for me not to get hurt anymore…what I really want is……..but there are somethings that you have to do to keep your sanity…there are some things that you have to do keep your heart from bleeding more and more…

somebody texted me agad to ask if i was resigning..how news travel so fast…tm palang and smes ang nakakaalam nakaikot na agad..oh well ganyan tlaga..buti pa ibang tao may paki…but the one person who you thought you shared something special with….wala…i guess thats the story of our lives…meeting…and parting…and meeting again…

spoke to someone kanina…the girl said na…the reason why we broke was because we had unresolved issues. Because I didn’t talk when something was bothering me. Sakit. I know na that was the reason before pero sa dame na ng nangyari di ko na alam kung ano ang totoo. sakit na malaman sa ibang tao. sakit na tlagang he gave up on me when I didn’t give up on him kahit na on his part meron syang mga mali din naman na tiniis ko. masakit kse bakit ako lang ang nag try na i-work out lahat tapos sya..wala…ayaw nalang…i valued him kaya I changed tapos sya …nothing….i guess that’s what you get when you love someone so much…when you give your heart to someone na walang ka nang tinira sa sarili mo…i’m paying for my sins…sana lang yung bayad di ganito kasakit…sana sa iba nalang kse kunin pa yung kaisaisang tao na minahal mo ng lubos lubusan…..sana….sana….

Lord, ikaw na bahala…

“With all due respect…Men I may not know. But shoes? Shoes I know!”~Carrie

Yesterday, met up with Rica and Nina in their clinic in Ortigas waited for Alex, Nin’s very funny boyfriend then went to Eastwood na for the CLP (Christian Life Program). They asked me if I wanted to join especially since I am going through a lot now. Last night’s talk was the 4th na pala in a series of 13 talks. So I have to make up daw for the first 3 that I wasnt able to attend. The talk was long and talks about repentance and sin..nyakrs apt na apt a…and the speaker was Jojo…ok naman din..then after an hour long talk ata we broke into groups called households for sharing sharing…at first I didnt like the griup I was with. puro girls kme. the facilitator kse kept on laughing and laughing na parang nawawala tuloy yung seriousness nung whatever it was that we were s’posed to talk about. I was the 2nd to the last person na nag share. I almost cried but I didn’t (thank God!). I wasn’t able to make kwento the whole thing kse the girl kept on interrupting me. Everyone was so supportive. Sobra. Almost everyone went through the same thing as I did. Yung iba mas grabe pa. One girl stayed with a guy for 7 years and ..pooffff…nothing din…In the end, I decide to keep an open mind and heart about the whole thing…its a support group…beats paying for a shrink a couple of hundreds per hour..but I still need to go to my shrink for the meds…see! how destructive love can be…bakit pa kase kailangan magmahal….

Learning Patience With God

My mother was dying of leukemia. My two older sisters, father,and I had shared the last three weeks in the hospital room with her. In two years, she had gone from a strong matriarch to a helpless

invalid.

For the last three days, she had been in a semi-conscious state of moaning and lifelessness. She could no longer speak through her dry, swollen lips. Her eyes had the blank void of a moonless midnight.

On the night of the third day, I knew what I must do. I must cease being the selfish, clinging son. I sped purposefully to the chapel. There I gave God permission to take my mother. I could no

longer stand to see her suffer, so I prayed for the permanent healingthat only death can bring.

I returned to the room with a peaceful heart for I knew by the next morning my mother would also be at peace. I had the best night’s sleep in weeks. The next morning, as the sun broke through

the window, I awoke. My first thoughts were, “It’s over”. But then a noise, a stirring directed my attention from the window to the bed.

A small movement made me realize that my mother was still alive. It was all I could do to keep from screaming aloud, “God, how can You do this to me? I became a selfless son, and gave You permission to

end this, and You still kept her in her misery.” But before I could have exclaimed this, I was shocked to see that there was more than just a movement.

My mother rolled onto her side, and looked into the glare of the newly risen sun. Then, as the sun made sparkling starbursts in her eyes, she licked her parched lips, and said “Gee, it’s going to

be a beautiful day today”. Needless to say this got our attention

quickly.

Being the youngest, and fastest, I was first to her bedside. “Mom, it’s me, Jerry, do you recognize me”? “Of course I do Jerry”,she replied.

We all took our turns talking to her. Other relatives came and were able to talk to her, as she answered not in her old voice, but rather in the voice of a child. The doctor’s explanation was that

the brain stem was being destroyed, accounting for the sudden change. It was a joyous day of laughing, and celebrating life with our family. That night we all went to sleep peacefully.

The next morning, we were awaken to the stirring of angel’s wings, and my mother was finally healed of her suffering. She had awakened to the Risen Son.

The next few days were hectic with funeral plans. It was only after the funeral that I stopped to think of what had happened. If God had answered my prayer, in my time, in my way, my final memories

of my mother would have been that of a helpless invalid, with void eyes, lying motionless in a deathbed. Instead, God answered my prayer in his time, in his omniscient way.

Now, my memories of my mother are of a day of laughing and rejoicing. Since that time I have had many rocky roads. Financial failure. A divorce. The loss of my father. But throughout it all, regardless of how stormy the night might be, I know that through God’s love, and perfect timing, I can awaken the

next morning to a newly risen sun, or to the Risen Son, and say “Gee, it’s going to be a good day.”

“….and it sucks because I know he’s out there falling in and out of love with girls…that aren’t me.”

I finally passed it. this time I gave to my TM para derecho na agad. it was something that I did not want to do but I HAVE to do. for my peace of mind…for my heart…

my TM told me to take a breather muna…time to think para I’ll know what I really want…what I really want is to stay…what I really want is for me not to get hurt anymore…what I really want is……..but there are somethings that you have to do to keep your sanity…there are some things that you have to do keep your heart from bleeding more and more…

somebody texted me agad to ask if i was resigning..how news travel so fast…tm palang and smes ang nakakaalam nakaikot na agad..oh well ganyan tlaga..buti pa ibang tao may paki…but the one person who you thought you shared something special with….wala…i guess thats the story of our lives…meeting…and parting…and meeting again…

spoke to someone kanina…the girl said na…the reason why we broke was because we had unresolved issues. Because I didn’t talk when something was bothering me. Sakit. I know na that was the reason before pero sa dame na ng nangyari di ko na alam kung ano ang totoo. sakit na malaman sa ibang tao. sakit na tlagang he gave up on me when I didn’t give up on him kahit na on his part meron syang mga mali din naman na tiniis ko. masakit kse bakit ako lang ang nag try na i-work out lahat tapos sya..wala…ayaw nalang…i valued him kaya I changed tapos sya …nothing….i guess that’s what you get when you love someone so much…when you give your heart to someone na walang ka nang tinira sa sarili mo…i’m paying for my sins…sana lang yung bayad di ganito kasakit…sana sa iba nalang kse kunin pa yung kaisaisang tao na minahal mo ng lubos lubusan…..sana….sana….

Lord, ikaw na bahala…

“With all due respect…Men I may not know. But shoes? Shoes I know!”~Carrie

Yesterday, met up with Rica and Nina in their clinic in Ortigas waited for Alex, Nin’s very funny boyfriend then went to Eastwood na for the CLP (Christian Life Program). They asked me if I wanted to join especially since I am going through a lot now. Last night’s talk was the 4th na pala in a series of 13 talks. So I have to make up daw for the first 3 that I wasnt able to attend. The talk was long and talks about repentance and sin..nyakrs apt na apt a…and the speaker was Jojo…ok naman din..then after an hour long talk ata we broke into groups called households for sharing sharing…at first I didnt like the griup I was with. puro girls kme. the facilitator kse kept on laughing and laughing na parang nawawala tuloy yung seriousness nung whatever it was that we were s’posed to talk about. I was the 2nd to the last person na nag share. I almost cried but I didn’t (thank God!). I wasn’t able to make kwento the whole thing kse the girl kept on interrupting me. Everyone was so supportive. Sobra. Almost everyone went through the same thing as I did. Yung iba mas grabe pa. One girl stayed with a guy for 7 years and ..pooffff…nothing din…In the end, I decide to keep an open mind and heart about the whole thing…its a support group…beats paying for a shrink a couple of hundreds per hour..but I still need to go to my shrink for the meds…see! how destructive love can be…bakit pa kase kailangan magmahal….

Learning Patience With God

My mother was dying of leukemia. My two older sisters, father,and I had shared the last three weeks in the hospital room with her. In two years, she had gone from a strong matriarch to a helpless

invalid.

For the last three days, she had been in a semi-conscious state of moaning and lifelessness. She could no longer speak through her dry, swollen lips. Her eyes had the blank void of a moonless midnight.

On the night of the third day, I knew what I must do. I must cease being the selfish, clinging son. I sped purposefully to the chapel. There I gave God permission to take my mother. I could no

longer stand to see her suffer, so I prayed for the permanent healingthat only death can bring.

I returned to the room with a peaceful heart for I knew by the next morning my mother would also be at peace. I had the best night’s sleep in weeks. The next morning, as the sun broke through

the window, I awoke. My first thoughts were, “It’s over”. But then a noise, a stirring directed my attention from the window to the bed.

A small movement made me realize that my mother was still alive. It was all I could do to keep from screaming aloud, “God, how can You do this to me? I became a selfless son, and gave You permission to

end this, and You still kept her in her misery.” But before I could have exclaimed this, I was shocked to see that there was more than just a movement.

My mother rolled onto her side, and looked into the glare of the newly risen sun. Then, as the sun made sparkling starbursts in her eyes, she licked her parched lips, and said “Gee, it’s going to

be a beautiful day today”. Needless to say this got our attention

quickly.

Being the youngest, and fastest, I was first to her bedside. “Mom, it’s me, Jerry, do you recognize me”? “Of course I do Jerry”,she replied.

We all took our turns talking to her. Other relatives came and were able to talk to her, as she answered not in her old voice, but rather in the voice of a child. The doctor’s explanation was that

the brain stem was being destroyed, accounting for the sudden change. It was a joyous day of laughing, and celebrating life with our family. That night we all went to sleep peacefully.

The next morning, we were awaken to the stirring of angel’s wings, and my mother was finally healed of her suffering. She had awakened to the Risen Son.

The next few days were hectic with funeral plans. It was only after the funeral that I stopped to think of what had happened. If God had answered my prayer, in my time, in my way, my final memories

of my mother would have been that of a helpless invalid, with void eyes, lying motionless in a deathbed. Instead, God answered my prayer in his time, in his omniscient way.

Now, my memories of my mother are of a day of laughing and rejoicing. Since that time I have had many rocky roads. Financial failure. A divorce. The loss of my father. But throughout it all, regardless of how stormy the night might be, I know that through God’s love, and perfect timing, I can awaken the

next morning to a newly risen sun, or to the Risen Son, and say “Gee, it’s going to be a good day.”

“….and it sucks because I know he’s out there falling in and out of love with girls…that aren’t me.”

I finally passed it. this time I gave to my TM para derecho na agad. it was something that I did not want to do but I HAVE to do. for my peace of mind…for my heart…

my TM told me to take a breather muna…time to think para I’ll know what I really want…what I really want is to stay…what I really want is for me not to get hurt anymore…what I really want is……..but there are somethings that you have to do to keep your sanity…there are some things that you have to do keep your heart from bleeding more and more…

somebody texted me agad to ask if i was resigning..how news travel so fast…tm palang and smes ang nakakaalam nakaikot na agad..oh well ganyan tlaga..buti pa ibang tao may paki…but the one person who you thought you shared something special with….wala…i guess thats the story of our lives…meeting…and parting…and meeting again…

spoke to someone kanina…the girl said na…the reason why we broke was because we had unresolved issues. Because I didn’t talk when something was bothering me. Sakit. I know na that was the reason before pero sa dame na ng nangyari di ko na alam kung ano ang totoo. sakit na malaman sa ibang tao. sakit na tlagang he gave up on me when I didn’t give up on him kahit na on his part meron syang mga mali din naman na tiniis ko. masakit kse bakit ako lang ang nag try na i-work out lahat tapos sya..wala…ayaw nalang…i valued him kaya I changed tapos sya …nothing….i guess that’s what you get when you love someone so much…when you give your heart to someone na walang ka nang tinira sa sarili mo…i’m paying for my sins…sana lang yung bayad di ganito kasakit…sana sa iba nalang kse kunin pa yung kaisaisang tao na minahal mo ng lubos lubusan…..sana….sana….

Lord, ikaw na bahala…

“With all due respect…Men I may not know. But shoes? Shoes I know!”~Carrie

Yesterday, met up with Rica and Nina in their clinic in Ortigas waited for Alex, Nin’s very funny boyfriend then went to Eastwood na for the CLP (Christian Life Program). They asked me if I wanted to join especially since I am going through a lot now. Last night’s talk was the 4th na pala in a series of 13 talks. So I have to make up daw for the first 3 that I wasnt able to attend. The talk was long and talks about repentance and sin..nyakrs apt na apt a…and the speaker was Jojo…ok naman din..then after an hour long talk ata we broke into groups called households for sharing sharing…at first I didnt like the griup I was with. puro girls kme. the facilitator kse kept on laughing and laughing na parang nawawala tuloy yung seriousness nung whatever it was that we were s’posed to talk about. I was the 2nd to the last person na nag share. I almost cried but I didn’t (thank God!). I wasn’t able to make kwento the whole thing kse the girl kept on interrupting me. Everyone was so supportive. Sobra. Almost everyone went through the same thing as I did. Yung iba mas grabe pa. One girl stayed with a guy for 7 years and ..pooffff…nothing din…In the end, I decide to keep an open mind and heart about the whole thing…its a support group…beats paying for a shrink a couple of hundreds per hour..but I still need to go to my shrink for the meds…see! how destructive love can be…bakit pa kase kailangan magmahal….

Learning Patience With God

My mother was dying of leukemia. My two older sisters, father,and I had shared the last three weeks in the hospital room with her. In two years, she had gone from a strong matriarch to a helpless

invalid.

For the last three days, she had been in a semi-conscious state of moaning and lifelessness. She could no longer speak through her dry, swollen lips. Her eyes had the blank void of a moonless midnight.

On the night of the third day, I knew what I must do. I must cease being the selfish, clinging son. I sped purposefully to the chapel. There I gave God permission to take my mother. I could no

longer stand to see her suffer, so I prayed for the permanent healingthat only death can bring.

I returned to the room with a peaceful heart for I knew by the next morning my mother would also be at peace. I had the best night’s sleep in weeks. The next morning, as the sun broke through

the window, I awoke. My first thoughts were, “It’s over”. But then a noise, a stirring directed my attention from the window to the bed.

A small movement made me realize that my mother was still alive. It was all I could do to keep from screaming aloud, “God, how can You do this to me? I became a selfless son, and gave You permission to

end this, and You still kept her in her misery.” But before I could have exclaimed this, I was shocked to see that there was more than just a movement.

My mother rolled onto her side, and looked into the glare of the newly risen sun. Then, as the sun made sparkling starbursts in her eyes, she licked her parched lips, and said “Gee, it’s going to

be a beautiful day today”. Needless to say this got our attention

quickly.

Being the youngest, and fastest, I was first to her bedside. “Mom, it’s me, Jerry, do you recognize me”? “Of course I do Jerry”,she replied.

We all took our turns talking to her. Other relatives came and were able to talk to her, as she answered not in her old voice, but rather in the voice of a child. The doctor’s explanation was that

the brain stem was being destroyed, accounting for the sudden change. It was a joyous day of laughing, and celebrating life with our family. That night we all went to sleep peacefully.

The next morning, we were awaken to the stirring of angel’s wings, and my mother was finally healed of her suffering. She had awakened to the Risen Son.

The next few days were hectic with funeral plans. It was only after the funeral that I stopped to think of what had happened. If God had answered my prayer, in my time, in my way, my final memories

of my mother would have been that of a helpless invalid, with void eyes, lying motionless in a deathbed. Instead, God answered my prayer in his time, in his omniscient way.

Now, my memories of my mother are of a day of laughing and rejoicing. Since that time I have had many rocky roads. Financial failure. A divorce. The loss of my father. But throughout it all, regardless of how stormy the night might be, I know that through God’s love, and perfect timing, I can awaken the

next morning to a newly risen sun, or to the Risen Son, and say “Gee, it’s going to be a good day.”